I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
