sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
