dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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