I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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