allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
