so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
