wat bout pragnant strippers??
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
