I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just pynch a tree in the face
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
