i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
