My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
