I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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