Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
