Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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