man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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