college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
