Porn is love you can see.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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