So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
