Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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