Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
