My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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