Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
