Got a toothbrush?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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