Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
