you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
