is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
