Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
