Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
