I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
