Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
