why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
