they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
