I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
