i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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