He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
