i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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