you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
