New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Randomize
