Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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