Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
