You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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