So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
