Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
