just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
