so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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