I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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