worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she peed on how many people?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
