Soap is not a condiment
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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