Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
