Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
