just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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