She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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