just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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