Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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