I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
