Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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