no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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