the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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