Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
