I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize