What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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