I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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