I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
