I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
