i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
