Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
