It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
