Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
