Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
no you cant smoke seaweed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
