Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
