we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
