So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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