So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
