I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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