But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
