Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
