the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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