I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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