Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
