haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
